Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a lonely road, especially when your partner is a covert narcissist. Often times covert narcissists abuse their partners in ways that is not obvious to friends and outside family. They are so manipulative and sneaky they keep the abuse under wraps inside the home. Being abused by a covert narcissist is like the death of a million tiny paper cuts rather than an obvious shot to the head.
When the victim reaches out for help, sometimes they are even gas lit by friends and family who do not see the abuse. Friends and family may say things like:
“Well, they are going to therapy now, give them the benefit of the doubt. What if they change this time?” Or “You have always been very sensitive. I doubt they mean it that way. You are taking things the wrong way.”
This type of second hand gas lighting can sometimes be even worse than the gas lighting from the narcissist themselves. This is because you are reaching out for help and instead of getting support you are gas lit, thus becoming more and more lonely and confused.
If your best friends or family members are doing this to you, I am sorry you do not have their support. Jim Carrey once said,
“You stop explaining yourself when you realize people only understand from their level of perception.”
If your friends or family haven’t been through narcissistic abuse, especially by a covert narcissist, there is much less of a chance they will be able to empathize and be there for for you because a) they are being fooled by the covert narcissist b) they have no idea how extremely difficult it is to be in a position like that.
One thing to also look out for when reaching out to friends and family for support is triangulation. This is a manipulation tactic a covert narcissist will use to get your support system on their side so they look like the “good guy” and you look like the “bad guy.” Covert narcissists love to pretend like they are the ones who truly are the victim when in reality they are extremely manipulative and abusive.
I have had many clients tell me that I am the only person in their life who validates them and supports them while they are going through this narcissistic abuse nightmare. While I, as your therapist, am honored to be someone who helps you on your journey, you still need other forms of support to help you get through this.
Online narcissistic abuse recovery support groups can be an extremely helpful to connect with others who GET IT, and who WON’T make you feel more confused and lonely.
Online support groups are often times free or very low cost. They are accessible as well – as long as you have head phones, a computer, and an internet connection you are good to go.
Below are a few different online support groups I would recommend.
I hope this article and these resources are helpful. If you would like to start individual therapy with me to begin your recovery journey from narcissistic abuse, reach out today using the contact form at the bottom of this page and let’s get started. Sending you my best wishes!
Mallory