Many of my clients struggle with rumination during their healing process. This is when their brain replays a situation, conversation, or interaction they had with the narcissist in their life over and over again like a clip looping in their head. Rumination is a symptom of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. This is a real mental illness that can be treated with therapy and medication.
It is important to note that your brain thinks it is helping you by replaying a situation or thought over and over again in your head. This is your brain’s way of making sure you remember what happened so you can prevent this trauma from happening again. This is incredibly inconvenient because you may be ready to heal and move on but your brain simply is not letting you at this point in time.
Another scenario that can happen - you may be over the brunt of the trauma the narcissist put you through and you have moved on with your life. But if something happens that triggers you (a conversation with the narcissist, a song that plays on the radio, a place you visit that reminds you of them) the OCD and ruminating thoughts can start all over again. It can be challenging to cope with rumination again and again.
In this blog post I will be sharing some coping techniques to help deal with ruminating thoughts you may be having about the narcissist.
Talk to yourself in a gentle way as if you are parenting yourself. Call yourself by your own name when you gently talk to yourself. For example if your name is Suzy you would say. “Suzy it is ok if you are having these thoughts. They will not harm you and they will certainly pass.”
Understand that thoughts are just thoughts. And while it may be very frustrating to have the same thoughts over and over again, recognize that these thoughts have no real power over you. Let the thoughts pass as often as they need to until your brain feels safe again.
Do not try to suppress the thoughts. The more you try to push the thoughts down or shove them away, the stronger they will come back and pop into your head. Allow the thoughts to exist and tell yourself, these are just thoughts.
Talk to someone about your thoughts. Processing them verbally with a friend, therapist, or SAFE family member can help you express what is going on inside of your head and let some of it go.
Journal your thoughts down on paper. Write them down. Get them out by writing a few paragraphs on what you are thinking, how it is affecting you, and how you would like for the thoughts to pass quickly.
I would recommend trying all five of these coping strategies for OCD and rumination. Find out what strategy works best for you and continue to USE that strategy. Remember this is not an easy process and there is no shame at all in going to a psychiatrist to get some medication to help with the OCD and rumination. In fact medication combined with therapy and these coping strategies may be a wonderful plan of action. As always feel free to reach out if you need help coping with OCD due to narcissistic abuse. Take care and God bless.
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