If you have gotten to the stage where you have completely separated from the narcissist – CONGRATULATIONS! It is such hard work to set boundaries, break the trauma bond, and make the necessary changes so you can begin your healing process and move on without putting up with a toxic person.
Now that you have established low contact or no contact with the narcissist in your life, it is time to take a step further and facilitate even deeper healing. How do you do this?
First it is important to figure out what you like to do so you can fill your time with something creative, healing, yet productive at the same time. Remember, you were spending so much of your time focusing on the narcissist while you were in contact with them (or living with them). Now that you have separated from this person you need to fill your time with a healthy activity that will boost your self-esteem.
You can pick up:
Cooking
Hiking
Painting
Writing
Making Jewelry
Swimming
Lifting Weights
Fishing
Camping
Drawing
Making electronic music
Learning how to play an instrument
Go to a music festival
Go check out local art galleries
Catch a matinee
Get a massage
Get your nails done
Stretch
Run
Go to a barre class
Once you have picked a hobby or new activity try to incorporate it into a daily, weekly, or monthly routine (depending on what the activity is) - your self-esteem will get a nice boost.
Try to fill your life up with things that bring you peace and make you happy. Experiencing the sun set in nature or sun rise over a body of water can be an incredibly healing experience. Spending time with a friend you trust is good too.Try to string together as many peaceful moments as possible so eventually peace will overcome you.
When you first experience peace it may feel strange… especially when you are used to living life on edge, walking on egg shells, and being in fight or flight mode. I invite you to welcome the peace into your life, sit with it, and experience it fully. Trust me, the peace won’t last forever because even if you did get the narcissist out of your life, you will face other challenging situations in your life. But the peace is always THERE if you need to return back to it.
Healing on a deeper level
I still see many clients even AFTER they have gotten out with the relationship because they still have more healing to work on. For example: many individuals who attracted a narcissist in adulthood had childhood trauma. Once the narcissist is out of the picture, the work to heal childhood trauma can begin.
I personally use Internal Family Systems, or “parts work” which is a modality of therapy that is scientifically proven to help heal trauma. Together we will get to know each part of yourself who makes up who you are and heal every part through deep meaningful conversations and meditations. This helps to integrate the psyche and unburden traumatized parts of yourself.
Interested in deeper healing after breaking up with the narcissist? Contact me today and let’s get started. (Contact form at the bottom of this page)