When you are in a trauma bond with a narcissist it is very difficult to break free from the cycle of abuse. The first step to breaking out of a trauma bond is gaining awareness of what exactly is going on. It is wise to seek help and accountability from others to set heathy boundaries and gain a deeper understanding of how this abuse is affecting you.
The following are some signs you may be in a trauma bond with a narcissist:
1. You go back to the person even after they abuse you. You may not know why you keep going back but for some reason you always return to the relationship, even if you know things will not change.
2. You make excuses for their abusive behavior. If you are telling yourself that they are isolating you, calling you names, shaming you, gaslighting you, or not helping you because they do not know any better (or some other reason) -- unfortunately you will stay stuck. Sometimes we lie to ourself to protect ourselves from the reality of the situation however this will keep you in denial. Coming out of denial and realizing your partner is a narcissist is very painful, but the freedom you will gain on the other side of accepting the truth will be 100% worth it.
3. You hide how they treat you from others. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist they will do anything to appear like they are a kind, loving, caring, good person to other people from the outside. When in reality they tamper with your sanity and treat you very poorly behind closed doors or in front of their narcissistic friends. You too may try to look like a happy couple in front of others and fail to seek help or tell your friends and family what is really going on.
4. You feel guilty when considering leaving the relationship. Instead of standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, moving on, and cutting ties with the narcissist in your life, you continue to stay in the relationship and guilt yourself when you even think about leaving. Chances are if you told a flying monkey you were considering leaving, they may have shamed you as well. It is so confusing when you are still being abused and you can even gaslight yourself by telling yourself its not that bad and guilting yourself.
5. You have a strong emotional bond with the narcissist. If you have been through several cycles of abuse, and keep returning to your narcissist after they harm you, you have forged a strong unhealthy emotional bond with this person. Do not shame yourself for this because it is a very easy trap to fall into when the narcissist is manipulating you the entire time and you are not aware of what is going on.
6. You will do anything for them even when they abuse you. A narcissist, once they have you under their control, will ask you to do things for them that you normally would not want to do for anyone. But even though they psychologically tamper with your mind and verbally or even physically abuse you, you remain loyal to them and do anything they ask of you.
These are all signs you are in a trauma bond and I would not be surprised if you need some help processing this. Need help breaking free of the trauma bond, healing your heart, standing up for yourself, and ultimately move on in a healthy way? YOU CAN DO IT! Reach out today for help with this difficult process.